DAPS CLASSICS: AWESOME FLYING DRAGONS
The land of Banneria, once prominent and glorious has now fallen on hard times. Sensing the demise of his formerly prosperous homeland a five million year old wizard named Glaceau decided to summon two young and mildly handsome Knights who rode awesome flying dragons. With a large boisterous voice, amplified by a novelty bullhorn decorated for St. Patrick’s Day, he with a slight lisp, called their names across the great land.
“Help Us, Knights of Marcus Hall, You’re our only hope”
Heeding the cries of the five million year old wizard, Glaceau, Our heroes mounted their awesome flying dragons and headed for Castle Banneria.
“What dost thou think-eth the problem be, Knight Chris?” said Knight Carlo.
“I know-eth not, but at least we have-eth these awesome flying dragons!” responded Knight Chris.
“Word-eth, Knight Chris. These dragons art quite awesome” replied Knight Carlo as they made their way to the wizard.
“I believe-eth that the awesomeness of our dragons should solve-eth whatever task we are tasked with!” again responded Knight Chris.
“Unless-eth of course, the task that we are tasked with, involves enemies with their own awesome flying dragons” again replied Knight Carlo “then we are in for an even more difficult task, than we are currently expecting.”
“However if we now expect the possibility of the task at hand involving enemies with their own awesome flying dragons, than we are now more prepared-eth than we were even moments ago before we expected such a possibility.” responded Knight Chris.
“Dost thou think-eth that our possible awesome flying dragon having enemies will also have awesome flying dragons that speak that crazy African clicking-language like our awesome flying dragons do?” replied Knight Carlo.
“You speak of Swahili?” responded Knight Chris.
“I believe I do,” replied Knight Carlo. “Though I am not certain.”
“Perhaps, though would it not be fortunate if our enemies had teach-eth their awesome flying dragons English,” responded Knight Chris. “So that we could intercept any communication between our enemies awesome flying dragons?”
“T’would be quite fortunate.” replied Knight Carlo. “And better yet, the enemies riding their English speaking awesome flying dragons wouldn’t be able to intercept the communications between our African clicking-language speaking awesome flying dragons.”
“And since both our enemies’ awesome flying dragons and we speak English we could possibly persuade-eth them to break their allegiance to our enemies and join us,” responded Knight Chris. “And in time, we could even have a chariot pulled by the awesome flying dragons which we have persuaded.”
“That sound-eth like the plot to the smash hit Snow Dogs, by Disney, starring Oscar Winning thespian Cuba Gooding Jr.” replied Knight Carlo.
“Ahhhh, aren’t all of our most novel ideas stemming from Hollywood films?” responded Knight Chris.
“I have-eth an idea!” replied Knight Carlo.
“What be it, Knight Carlo?” responded Knight Chris quizzically.
“We can sell the idea of our tale, involving both our original African clicking-language speaking awesome flying dragons and our newly persuaded English speaking awesome flying dragons helping us to save the Kingdom of Banneria.” replied Knight Carlo. “I am sure-eth that we can get Sir Jerry Bruckheimer aboard.”
“I’ll give him a buzz. Hold on.” said Knight Chris, suddenly out of character. “Hey Jerry baby, have we got a story for you. This one is hot…Okay…sounds good. We’ll get in touch with your camp tomorrow for lunch. Smooches daddy.”
“How did you have-eth his telephone number?” questioned Knight Carlo.
“Do you not remember-eth? Sir Jerry was the gentleman who procured us these very awesome flying dragons from his awesome flying dragon farm in Ellenville, NY,” responded Knight Chris.
“Ah yes. I remember that he tried to sell us those damn special edition Black Hawk Down DVDs.” replied Knight Carlo. “I hate that bloody trash.”
Just as Knight Chris was about to respond to Knight Carlo’s assault on a classic American Film, the two again hear the wailing of the five million year old Wizard, Glaceau.
“For crying out loud, we can’t hold out much longer. We have no choice,” cried Glaceau as his kingdom was further ravaged by scruffy-looking nerf-herders.
“We’re on-eth our way!” responded Knight Chris, with a slur.
“Yeah lady! We heard you the first time. Bitch!” replied Knight Carlo. “Mush dragons, mush.”
Just then, Knight Carlo’s awesome flying dragon, spoke to Knight Chris’ awesome flying dragon in that African clicking-language that they so eloquently speak.
“That poor bastard. His kingdom will never be saved and in fact will probably go down in flames within hours. For all of this morning, the Knights of Marcus Hall have done nothing but imbibe ale to excess and watch Snow Dogs three times straight.” said Knight Chris’ awesome flying dragon.
“That stinks, I had a summer house out in Banneria. Wanna eat these drunken idiots and score some hookers?” asked Knight Carlo’s awesome flying dragon.
“I know this great Asian massage place right off of the Bayonne. They really know how to treat a dragon,” said Knight Chris’ awesome flying dragon.
And they all lived happy ending ever after.