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DAPS Eats The ULTIMATE Fast Food Meal

Beautiful

For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamt of the perfect fast food orgy. There’s just something sensual about the idea of McDonald’s fries sharing a wrapper with a Wendy’s burger. I’ve pondered the different combinations that are possible. What tastes would blend together just right, creating a magical dance in my mouth.

When some people think about great food, they think about world-class restaurants or home cooked meals. Well, I’m far too poor and definitely far too lazy for any of that shit.

Thanks to Dog and Pony Show, the greatest organization that I’ve ever been part of, on Tuesday this fantasy became reality.

.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Well, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let me tell you the tale of how this came to be…

Sometime last week, I asked my (and DAPS’) Facebook and Twitter family what their ideal fast food menagerie would consist of. I mean, I didn’t want to assume that I knew the answer myself.

We learned very quickly a number of things. 1. That DAPS readers overwhelmingly prefer Wendy’s to any other fast food chain on the east coast. 2. That McDonald’s’ fries reign supreme 3. That there’s an outcry for Roy Rogers and 4. That not everyone really understands what Fast Food is.

Taking into account a very long Facebook thread, Tweets, and the opinions of the entire DAPS staff, we prepared for our weekly meeting by hitting up every major fast food restaurant in a 5 mile radius of our office.

Here’s what we brought back:

2 Baconators from Wendy’s

4 Small (Vanilla) Frostys from Wendy’s

2 Large Fries from McDonalds

2 Large Onion Rings from Burger King

1 Package of KFC Chicken Bites

4 Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell

and failing to get a Lime-aid from either Sonic or Taco Bell, we grabbed a six-pack of Bud Light (They sell beer in fast-food joints in Europe, right??)

We laid out the spread on the table and then stared at the unique meal in front of us, took some photos, and dug in. Immediately everyone destroyed our Tacos, mostly because none of us had yet tried the Dorito shelled treats. Then it was a free for all.

Damian did seem to like his taco.

Damian couldn’t handle the situation taking a few fries, a chicken bite, and some onion rings. Carlo, however, was slightly more brave.

RIP Bam Margera in deed…

Anyway, when all was said and done we had a few thoughts about this little experiment. First, buying fast food at 3 in the afternoon is a bad idea, most of the food was cold and probably had been sitting around since the lunch rush.

We also realized that not-everyone knows the only way to go when buying a Frosty from Wendy’s is Chocolate, Damian had never had one and assumed vanilla would be cool. It’s not.

Based on the hour after eating, we realized that only 1 in 4 people could handle this kind of meal. I, Chris, was the only person to walk away feeling good. Everyone else got stomach aches. In all honesty, I think Carlo could usually handle it, but he’d just eaten lunch and an entire bag of Sour Patch Kids prior to our meal.

Finally here’s some photos of the aftermath:

Nobody wanted their vanilla Frostys

…and the receipts, because Tavis thought they were important.

Damian may or may not have stolen the McDonald’s fries.

So that’s it.

If any of our choose to follow in our footsteps, Godspeed. We recommend doing it in a food court where you can try everything fresh.

If you do, send us pictures.

Also, let us know if you think we goofed and forgot something important. Someone already told me this was missing hot sauce and ranch.

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Chris Olivieri

Chris Olivieri

I'm a polymath with ADD, Entrepreneur, & ENTP whose aim is to emphasize awesomeness in pop-culture. I've described the contents of my mind as "Similar to Heffalumps and Woozles"