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Listen to the Bonfire Roast Rapper Chet Hanks With “Tom Hanks” Themed Rap

Talk about low hanging fruit. Making fun of awful celebrity children/siblings isn’t very hard, but Big Jay Oakerson and Dan Soder, hosts of Sirius/XM’s The Bonfire, have struck comedy gold with their recent bit highlighting how “good” Tom Hanks’ son Chet Hanks/Hanx/Haze is at “spitting hot fire on the mic“.

Wait, you’re not currently listening to the Bonfire? Jeez, take an hour out of your day, stop listening to those Serial and Marc Maron reruns (what’s a rerun?) and check The Bonfire the fuck out. I’m hoping Big Jay and Dan Soder’s take on Chet Hanks’ rapping skills will have you literally laughing your proverbial ass off. Hold on.

Wait, are you telling me you didn’t know world-renowned Actor Mr. Thomas Hanks has a rapping son? No no, I don’t mean the delightfully talented and Emmy nominated Colin Hanks. Tom Hanks has another son, named Chet and Chet raps; Chet raps real good.

What does Chet rap about? Bitches and money and typical white rapper stuff. It’s much funnier to imagine that he only raps about the various films of his Hollywood icon father. That’s exactly where this is going.

Everyone stop everything and start listening:

Some of my favorite lines:

  • (In Forrest Gump’s voice): is he like me? Chet Hanks: Nah son. I’m maaad ill.
  • Chet Hanks: From that moment on, everywhere I rapped, I was rapping!
  • Pimping is as Pimping does.
  • YO, the beat wrote these lyrics.
  • Soder: I bet Chet Hanks vapes. Big Jay: And blows big obnoxious clouds of smoke. Hanks: I’m a dragooon! Call me Godzilla Haze.
  • Tom Hanks do the actin’, Chet Hanks do the rappin’.

I have to end this post by telling you something terrible. Chet is kinda/sorta maybe currently missing. So if you’ve seen an anonymous rapper spitting mad fire on the mic while blowing big obnoxious clouds of vape smoke, it very well could be Chet. Please kept an eye out and let myself or Big Jay or Dan Soder or Tom Hanks know.

P.S. The mental image of Chet having a Jamaican nanny and thus growing up to become a rapper à la Sean Paul: priceless!

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Damian Thomas

Damian Thomas

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