More Info About The Rumored Suspensions of MLB Stars Cano, Rodriguez, Granderson, and Braun.

WTF Just Happened?

Did DAPS Break a Sports Story?!?

Yesterday afternoon I got a text that read “Guess which four MLB players are about to be suspended for PEDs?” The same source who provided me with the Melky Cabrera suspension news last year was now providing the names of four of baseball’s elite players, including three Yankees. I tweeted it, and instantly DAPS editor Chris’ head exploded. He wrote up a post about my tweets which instantly became the biggest sports post we’ve ever had on Dog and Pony Show.

At the time of this posting the original article had been re-tweeted 54 times and had over 400 Facebook likes. Someone put it up on Reddit/MLB and it was the number one trending post on there.  My Twitter followers quadrupled, including a lot of people who were very upset with me. Some questioned the validity of my “source” and one person even said I should be ashamed if this isn’t true. The most common response other than “wow” was something along the lines of “why should we listen to you, you have no credibility?”

You guys are all right, I have no credibility. I can’t even name my source for you. One of the worst things about the internet is that any idiot can write any nonsense and post it as “news”.  I wouldn’t have even read my own story unless it got picked up by ESPN or Yahoo or some other reputable sports website. I’m not a journalist. I’m not fuckin’ Peter Gammons, or Buster Olney.  I’m a guy who took one journalism class 100 years ago in college. When I write about sports here on DAPS I’m exclusively writing editorial pieces meant to amuse other people like me and hopefully provide them with a take on stuff they haven’t heard before. The most popular feature I write includes a picture of an attractive woman at the end so that people will actually read it.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not right. We have no business running this story, we aren’t Yahoo or ESPN or even Deadspin. We are just a bunch of dudes from Staten Island who stumbled into a chance to tell people about the biggest story in baseball before anyone else. We are much more qualified to post cat videos, Kate Upton pictures or shit about Jurassic Park. But fuck it, we work really hard on this site and if this is how people are going to discover our little ol’ site then so be it.

Lets look at each guy individually and see if there is any other circumstantial evidence to support our claims.

Robinson Cano

By far the most interesting name on this list. For starters, his name had been floated out there in September and the story got picked up by both the Sporting News and Deadspin.  Most of the Cano suspicion arises from the same two arbitrary criteria we seem to use to indict anyone of steroid use; he used to be small and got big and hit home runs and he hung around with a known PED user. There’s nothing to address in the first one. Sometimes guys are small and then their bodies fill out because they work out and eat right and they hit a lot of home runs playing in the equivalent of a little league stadium with a jet stream. The latter point is interesting. Cano and Melky Cabrera were supposedly best friends, so much so that the Yankees had to trade Melky because he was a bad influence on Cano. It is certainly plausible to think that their friendship wasn’t all karate in the garage and bunk beds, that maybe it included sharing trainers and supplements or whatnot.

Ryan Braun

The most obvious name on the list. Braun failed a drug test once before and got off on a technicality. If Braun is found to have failed again nobody would even bat an eyelash. The only question would then be whether Braun was so arrogant to believe he could get away with it again or if the MLB drug testing system is flawed to the point where Ryan Braun is just failing all the time because of his natural levels of testosterone. I do know this, if Braun somehow manages to get off on a technicality again; ALL the people who work for the third party testing center will be fired.

Curtis Granderson

The most surprising name on the list. Granderson has no prior connection to PEDs other than a huge jump in home run rate 2 years ago. I don’t even know what to think about this one so lets move on.

Alex Rodriguez

Hahahaha. It’s sad to think that the legacy A-Rod is going to leave behind is not that of the greatest shortstop ever, but that of baseball’s most famous cheat. He publicly acknowledged taking steroids after about the millionth time his name came up in various leaked reports. His body broke down and his play substantially declined right around the time MLB starting stricter testing. This 50 game suspension could be the icing on the retribution cake that is the baseball writers hatred of those associated with PEDs. Former players can’t even make the Hall of Fame if someone spotted some bacne on them 20 years ago. A-Rod’s laundry list of offenses will almost certainly result in no induction for one of baseball’s 50 greatest players.

So there it is, there’s the list and the story behind it. In a month from now we’ll see if we’re proven correct. If not, well then fuck it, we’ll go back to posting videos of Kate Upton playing with kittens.

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Source: Robinson Cano, Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Braun, and Curtis Granderson To Be Suspended

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Joe writes about sports for DAPS after single handidly running The Bachelor Bible into the ground due to his below average spelling. He counts among his greatest accomplishments carrying his editors Chris and Damian in a 3 on 3 5 overtime win in a beer pong game back in 2007. The quote to best describe him "I like stuff- Ralph Wiggum"