DAPS ClassicsDAPS OriginalHumor

DAPS Classics: Our Trip to the Mall

“Holy shit! Run!” exclaimed Chris as a pack of wild dogs began to chase after our heroes.

“Wow, that was a terrible idea,” said Carlo. “What were we thinking?” Just then, the pack leader snips at Carlo’s heels.

“I swear to God if we get out of this alive I will never watch the National Geographic channel ever again.” said Carlo.

“You listen to so much DMX,” said Chris angrily “you should have known this was going to happen.”

“They have eaten long enough,” said Carlo.

“They should stop being greedy.” All of sudden a third party runs along side our heroes.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” said Andrew.

“Hey Drew.” said Chris and Carlo in unison, glad to see their friend.

“So what are you doing?” asked Andrew.

“Gettin’ chased by dogs.” stated Chris.

“Oh, look at that,” said Andrew.

“So how’s the article coming?””It’s starting off pretty good but we are unsure of where it’s going.” stated Carlo.

“We decided to go to the mall, to clear our heads,” said Chris.

“Bark, Bark, Bark!!” exclaimed a dog within the pack.

“Is that a Doberman?” questioned Andrew.

“Either that or a Rottweiler.” explained Chris.

“Same difference really.” stated Carlo as he lights a cigarette.

“So what happened at the mall?” inquired Andrew.

“It turns out there was a book signing.” stated Chris.

“Who was it?” asked Andrew.

“Guess.” said Carlo as he visibly began to lose his breath.

“Tom Clancy.” answered Andrew.

“Nope.” said Chris quickly.

“Dean Koontz.” guessed Andrew.

“Way off.” said Carlo from behind.

“Drew, we ARE talking about the Staten Island Mall here.” stated Chris.

“Oh, okay…Don Rickles!” exclaimed Andrew positively sure he had the correct answer.

“No, Isn’t he dead?” inquired Carlo.

“I don’t think so.” said Andrew.

“Just tell me already, I give up.”

“Cesar Milan” said Chris with a smirk.

“Who the hell is that?” questioned Andrew aggravated at the fact that he was making legitimate guesses.

“The Dog Whisperer!” yelled Carlo as a dog grabs his left shoe.

“Ah, f*ck!”

“Oh, I know who you are talking about now” said Andrew.

“They got Carlo,” explained Chris. “We should double back.” As Chris and Andrew double back to assist Carlo, they begin to pull dogs off of Carlo’s bodice.

“So why are these dogs after you?” inquired Andrew.

“OH GOD!! I AM IN TERRIBLE AND HORRIFIC PAIN!!” said Carlo seemingly in pain.

“Carlo, thought it would be funny if I snuffed The Dog Whisperer” stated Chris “And then this happened.”

“I DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD DO IT.” yelped Carlo.

“Then why on Earth were we on line for two hours?” asked Chris.

“AHHHHHHHH!!! SHUT UP, HE’S AFTER MY BALLS!!!” squeals Carlo.

“If you dare me do something I’m going to do it.” stated Chris as he pulls the offending dog off of Carlo’s balls.

Obviously feeling awkward Andrew backed out of the pack of dogs as one grabs Chris’s leg.

“I’m not getting involved in this.” stated Andrew,

“Oh Yeah, Ranger game at The Swiss be there as 6.” As Andrew walks away a dog lunges at Chris’s neck and sinks his teeth in. Chris screams in agony as the dog begins to shake furiously as if he is playing tug of war.

“Damnit!” yells Carlo. “That dog just stepped on my glasses. I lost my coverage months ago…Chris? Chris???”

Out of nowhere a dog bites Carlo squarely in the face.

To be continued.

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Carlo

Carlo

co-founder and editor of old.daps.tv, co-owner of nbtech, ronin, cat fancier, recluse, dissenter, jerk, web developer, heartthrob, big thinker, and bottomless pit.